Reflections.

This week seems bad. It has been quite a few heavy downpour and thunderstorm. I hate heavy downpour, I hate thunder. In fact, I am afraid of thunder and lighting. But sometimes, the sound of thunder do wake me up from the daydream I am dreaming of. Heavy downpour makes me sad, it makes me feel very emotional, especially when I am alone. When I am alone, I do reflection in my life.

Firstly, reflections on workplaces.

So, I decided to quit Uss and continue with Gv. To most people out there, they felt its a waste to quit Uss and continue with Gv. However, I feel that its important to work at somewhere that I feel happier or rather comfortable. Both workplace provides me with a good working environment and both are of different job scopes. I enjoyed both job pretty much, but traveling to Uss kills it. In the past, I tends to find jobs that is far away from my house and that’s because I hate to see people I knew or rather I have to serve people that I knew. However, my internship changed that idea in me. I rather work somewhere that is near my house so that I can save on traveling and also I save the time. Its really very tiring to travel so far and even after a tiring day at work, the traveling home is horrendous. That’s partly why I decided to stay on with Gv. It’s barely a 15 minutes to work. Another reason mainly is because I felt happier working here even tho the job scope here seems tougher and much more work to do. After all, different jobs do have different problems. Be it political, colleagues-related issues or rather managers/supervisor, its just a job. I learnt something from all the jobs that I have been working in, it is to never take things to heart easily, never allows non-related issues to affect ourselves.

I am a very easily affected person, be it family, friends, relationship, school, work or any kind of issues or emotions. I can definitely change my mood within seconds and normally I am the kind of person that is either a 100% happy or 100% angry or 100% sad, I am never in the middle. 

Next, reflections on School

School have reopened for almost a month, I barely started studying neither did I listen to lectures or tutorials or labs seriously. I need to get my head back into studying. I need to focus and do well for my last year. This year is crucial and everyone is telling me not to work so much and focus on studies. Yes, I definitely need to study well but I also need to work to earn those extra money. Final Year Project, this year is going to be tough with all this project works coming along. STRESS! I don’t even where to start on my project, neither do I know exactly what is going on. Oh my god, can anyone help me with this?

Friendship

This week hasn’t been too good for me. Most importantly, I felt that I did lose a friendship but I gained back another friendship that I thought it’s was gone. Apparently, I had an argument with someone that I cherish the friendship with him a lot. So most people said that there can’t be pure friendship between a man and a woman. My friendship with him proven everyone wrong. We are just purely best friends and we can talked all kind of topics without any awkwardness and we knew each other so well. And yes, we did fell in love with each other before but we weren’t together. Fate just brought us together at the wrong time when I was still with my ex-boyfriend and yes, he is still with his ex-girlfriend. But we did fell for one another, at the same time, we both knew that its not the right time for us. We lost contact for quite a while and then back as friend after months. So recently, we had an argument and he flared up at me and I did the same. We both stopped talking to one another. After a few days, he came and apologized. Honestly, I am glad that he put his ego down and apology first, or else, this friendship is gone for sure.
But, I lost another friendship with this girl. She felt that I prioritize other people over her. Yes I admit that I do put others over her most of the times. And I went to apology but nothing came back. I gave up too.

I am upset that this friendship between me and her is so fragile, but I am guessing that it’s also because the both of us are just the exactly the same type of person. Thus, we understand each other so well… I do hope that we will be back friends. 

Family

Everything is getting better. Less quarrel or argument between me and mama. I am glad that we are living our life happier even though in my heart, I knew both of us misses him a lot. But I knew he wouldn’t want us to be living our life with sadness everyday. I still regret not listening to him when I felt something wasn’t right on that particularly afternoon. I still regret listening to everyone moving out to aunt house. I strongly believe he will come back if we stayed at home. It’s his responsibility. However, lets bygone be bygone. We should look forward and not look back on our mistakes.

Relationship

I’ve moved on. Letting go of you wasn’t easy, it was hard. It definitely the hardest 10 months in my life. Fond memories remained. I do misses you still, but at least I moved out of the grieving stage. We remained as friends, but somehow we lost contact again. Regardless of anything, I wished the best for you. You’re definitely the best things that happened to me. I thanked you for being there for me during my hardest period of life. I thanked you for staying by my side throughout all kinds of situation I faced. Especially during my dad’s death. I wished we could still keep in contact once in a while as friend.

Moving on wasn’t easy without someone else’s support. Thanks to the another him for appearing in my life. Thanks for showing me how love can be so simple by treating me so well and always playing around like a fool with me. However, I am sorry that I didn’t give you any answers yet. I may have moved on, but I am not ready to step into another relationship. I need time alone still and I prefer being friend. I don’t wish to lose this friendship just because of that. I believe if we are fated to be together, no matter when and how and where, we will be together. Take it easy and enjoy now.

No matter what, we must live our life to the fullest. We must not live with regrets. 

xoxo, till next time.
CAL

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