Update: I am still struggling through everything.

I have so many things going through my mind right now. I am avoiding so many things in life right now, whether it is studies, family, relationship. I am really hiding my feelings up. I no longer want to let people know how I feel. Especially you, but I know I can’t seems to hide from you. Yes, if you seeing this post, I am avoiding you, like literally. There’s no way i am ready to face you to resolve all those problems. I know no matter how hard I tried to change, no matter how hard I tried to be back last time, there’s no ways that for us to turn back. Friends around me says, there is no point to hold on. Let go now before it is too late. I know it myself too, if I can let go, I would have already let go. However, the problem now is I really can’t.

I really wished I can just let things go just like this. I wished that right now, I will have the superpower to just forget everything and start afresh. It is killing me from the inside. Once is enough, there’s not a need to repeat it every time. It hurts, literally. It hurts me so badly. I am filled with nothing, but truckloads of memories and photos and emptiness.

MST is coming, I have not started any revision, neither am I listening attentively to class. I go school with an useless brain. My brain is now filled with you, you and still, YOU. I am trying hard to do well, but it is just so hard for me to even stay attentive for an hour. Trust me, when you fall out of love, you loses yourself too. It is hard to even think properly. And the worst thing is that, I haven’t end my relationship, I am already half dead. 

Everything is a lie, there is no promises, no forever. 


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