Update: I am still doing fine. Still alive.

Apparently, I survived October. The month I fear the most, also it is the month I miss you the most.

I tried very hard to hide my emotions, ended up I always bottled up my feelings. We have not met for almost 2 months now. How are you? Are you coping well with your studies and all? I am worried for you, as usual.

I haven’t been sleeping well this few days, been having the same bad dream. It is always about us. Things really have changed in between us now, even though we’re still in contact like how we used to, but there’re somethings that are different. The words that you once said, I remembered it clearly. It’s like engraved in the deepest area in my heart. Those sweet sentences, as well as, those horrible sentences. In this 2 years, I appreciated all the things you done for me, especially those small actions. I miss how you took care of me when I am sick, I miss your warm hands (especially when i have cramps). I stand under running water so that my tears are unseen. You’re the only one that seen my worst, you’re the only one that hear me curse and swear badly, you’re also the one that seen me cry badly. Without you, i couldn’t survived that period when my dad pass away. I miss you, i miss your smile. You’re always here telling me to cheer up and regardless how bad your mood is, you will always end the day off with a sweet smile for me.

Yes, I once hated you for hurting me so badly at the start, i literally want to end it off with you. I guess i didn’t. But now, i love you so much. 

We are still holding on to one another, but our hand are slowly letting go. We no longer hold on as tight as before. So many people tell me to follow my heart. Some of them says ‘ If the two of you are meant to be, both of you will find your way back to each other. ‘ & Other says ‘If you both are true love, you both will each other back one day.’. 

It is been a long time since we watch a movie together. Every time i watched movie with my friends, i wished it was you by my side. I wished that you’re the one next to me, so there is someone hugging me when i am cold. Seeing couples around, so sweet and loving. What about us? We used to be the perfect couple in front of everyone, we used to be as sweet and loving like how others is during their honeymoon phase. 

I fear nothing but losing you, Really. I fear seeing you holding someone else’s hand, i fear seeing you with other girls. I am afraid to see photos of you and other girls. I hope we will not let go of each other hand. I hope we can resolve our problems soon. I hope to see you soon.

I miss you. 


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